Randy Quaid: The Working Man's Bobcat Goldthwait

We need some links and such on this page. I don't think we need to go as far as we did with the mustache blog, but some blog links at least would be very convenient. I've forgotten how to add these; are they in the html thing somewhere?

Why is it that when you wish someone a happy Halloween they look at you funny? Any good costumes/stories? Because I've got nothin'.

I had a very terrific moment this morning. I got up late, my milk had spoiled, and I had no other breakfast food, so I went to work with the prospect of not eating until 1:30 p.m. My boss wasn't there when I showed up, so I sat down and stared at the wall (my job consists of doing copying for professors who do their own copying). 15 minutes later, my boss shows up, sits down, and says "Muffin?"

She had been at a breakfast meeting and had swiped an extra muffin for me. Awwwww yeah. She even had a bottle of OJ to wash it down.

Man...that was a nice turnaround.


P.S.: Tim Burton and Johnny Depp are going to team up on a major motion picture version of Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street. I saw this as a play at CLC once, and it was basically a musical about how murder can solve all of your problems. I wonder how the movie will be....maybe, maybe kinda dark?

Johnny Depp on set, looking kinda dangerous

Dennis Quaid: The Working Man's Harrison Ford

I'm in the middle of an intense week: midterm today, another tomorrow, paper due in a week, field trip to the art museum Thursday, Halloween Wednesday, words words words.

Quick hits:

1. Why is Kurt not on here yet?

2. For each person, there are certain albums which he or she can listen to all the way through, again and again, all day long. Not every record will work every day, but most days at least one will stick. Here are my all-day-long records:
Houses of the Holy
Abbey Road
Remain in Light*
Pet Sounds
London Calling
The College Dropout
Neil Young Live at Massey Hall, 1971
Purple Rain
Talking Book
Enter the Wu-Tang (36 Chambers)
Hunky Dory

*today's record

3. So I understand that Mase is a really sweet rapper. Can anybody direct me to the sweetest Mase records which I should start listening to?

4. Things I miss about Brainerd:
-The pugs: they are cute and affectionate and will sit on your lap and fulfill your need for touch.
-Playing sports with friends: My friends here don't play sports, or they're way way better than I am (i.e. Tay at basketball).
-Illuminati, either at my house with candles and popcorn or at Holbrook's with pizza and GAME FUEL.
-Listening to music and eating food at Pammy's
-Gumshoe meetings

5. I took my first mid-term today, in Astronomy, and I'd be willing to bet I got between 95 and 100 %. Knowing stuff about stars is kind of one of my things.

A rat-faced Californian acquaintance of mine showed up for the mid-term obviously high. He was sitting there glassy-eyed, telling me how awesome the lighting fixture was. I was like, you know what else is neat? ASTRONOMY.

Why the fuck would you do that before a big test? Goddamn people can be dumb sometimes.

6. We need to get more people reading this blog.

The portrait of an intellectual as a Mafioso

I am taking this social philosophy class called "The History of Modern Thought:The 17th and the 18th centuries" which, other than giving me 15 units of Honors (for completing the three courses in this year-long sequence), also happens to be one of the most imaginative classes I have ever taken in my whole life.

Since hyperbole seems to be the general theme of today's post, it is time to talk about one of the most greatest philosophers of all eternities, who also happened to be one of the most exaggerating fellas ever: François-Marie Arouet, or as we better know him, Voltaire.

Voltaire was born in the general mass of time that we now call the seventeenth and the eighteenth centuries and he lived an absurdly long life of 84 years.He wrote a lot of stuff in his lifetime and was known for his patent (U.S. Patent number 55-3442A) wit and hyperbole.Most importantly, he did much to prove that an intellectual's life could assume a number of extremely fascinating dimensions generally associated with the Mafia, that dark realm of the Godfathers.

My meticulous research regarding this connection brought up the following:

1. In his early literary career (probably somewhere around the 1730's) he ran into some Aristocrat.We neither know what Voltaire did to get on this bloke's nerves, nor do we know his identity.But what we do know is this:

That dude got together a bunch of his cronies, and beat Voltaire up in a darkened alley one fine evening and left him there.

2. Later on, Voltaire visited England and was so fascinated by the political and social system that he became an Anglophile and began circulating among the highest social circles, leading some to speculate that he was a spy for the English against the French.

3. Even much later (in the 1770's), Voltaire was so revered in France, that he was actually considered one of the cultural living legends. Yet, this skeptic intellectual, (by now well-versed in the techniques of deception) chose to live real close to the Swiss border, just in case he needed to flee from the French authorities.

4. It is also speculated that his name might come from a number of clever Latin puns, including volte-face (spinning to face your enemies)


Is that what this smile is about?



P.S. Tyler Jensen, one of my buddies from last year (AP Bio and AP Lang) apparently sustained serious head injuries while playing football against Alexandria.There is a Facebook group dedicated to his speedy recovery.Shocking business this.

Traveling Through Hyperspace: It's Not Like Dusting Crops

Let's take stock of the past couple of days in Max's life, using the categories of work, play, and cranberry-themed postcards:

I spent yesterday carousing with friends, watching Star Wars, writing postcards, calling home, eating delicious Thai food (including a warm bananas and cream dessert thing that blew my mind), going to Toshi's Station to pick up some power converters, and generally having a grand old time of it. Also, I got an excellent postcard that my mom sent from Tomah, Wisconsin, in the throes of Cran-Fest:

Work: 0
Play: 60
Cranberry-themed postcards: 100
Total life points: 160-Not bad.

I spent today trying to get a thesis statement for my paper (TTGATSFMP), eating, TTGATSFMP, eating, walking, TTGATSFMP, banging my head against the wall, and blogging.

Work accomplished: 0
Enjoyment had: 0
Cranberry-Themed Postcards: 0
Total life points: 0-Fuck shit damn.

The JHU Rundown

As I'm particularly frustrated by my overwhelming load of homework right now, I figured I'd finally tell everyone about JHU. It's pretty long, but fuck you, you're going to read it and you're going to like it. so here it is:

I. Classes

First of all, this picture is of "Big Doug" Poland, whom I'll talk about later. Okay, so like I've told many - they don't fuck around here. It's true that I don't know what other colleges are like. But the insane curve complimented by the fact that this place has quite a science reputation to uphold makes for some intense work. I'm being a teensy-weensy bit dramatic, though.

1. Chemistry - it's fairly easy because I've already done it. I can't imagine people doing this class with no prior knowledge of chemistry. Thank the Lord for the Reeves-Harmer tandem. Anyway, I'm really happy because "Big Doug" is my prof - just look at him. If you think he looks crazy now, wait until you watch him do calculus on the Ideal Gas Law.

2. Calculus - this class is a joke (why the FUCK did I have to get a 3 on the AP exam!?). Some little Korean guy teaches it and you can't understand him, but that doesn't matter because Blong taught me enough, surprisingly.

3. Expository Writing - it's the only humanities class I have and it isn't difficult per se, but it is "tough." Humanities here are VERY easy from what I'm told, but I happened to pick a scientific expos topic, so it's a fair amount of work.

4. Chem lab - it is so much fucking work that i want to kill myself every sunday at about 11:00 PM/10:00 PM Central. It's easy, but extremely time-consuming, due to Dr. Sig Fig Nazi.

5. Physiological psychology - it's the biology class from hell. I don't even know how to describe it, other than it has instilled in me a deep hatred for neurons, glia, the third ventricle, and action potentials. Actually, I just pretty much hate studying the brain now. Too bad, neuroscience was going to be my major - how ignorant pre-freshman can be. Thank God I figured it out earlier than later. It's not the utter difficulty of the class that bothers me so much, but the subject matter. It's like talking about the SAME damn thing over and over again, just different parts of the nervous system with tiny little differences that are almost impossible to keep track of. The lecture on "Sex and the Brain" was pretty kick ass, though. I saw two rats humping.

II. The Campus


The campus is incredible. I really dislike art and that shit, but the campus architecture is amazing. The campus itself is pretty small and very navigable. I live right next to the library (the library is the bottom-most building in the picture and you can't see my dorm, because this photo is of just the Gilman quad thing), so that's cool, and there's plenty of open grass for playing football or frisbee. I wish the Indian kids would let me play cricket with them, but I don't know what the hell they're doing. Anyway, the library is awesome. All the lecture halls and classrooms are awesome. Pretty much everything is awesome. Except for the food.... whole-wheat pizza, soggy french fries and a Sierra Mist every day. Thank God for vitamin supplements. But that's the price you pay for an otherwise good campus.


III. Life

Life is overall pretty good. There's a ton of stuff to do on campus, and fun is abundant. However, the rumors are more or less true about Hopkins - if you're a premed, you're in the library 10 hours a day. The competition here among future doctors breeds intensity - but that's a totally different story, I'll tell you all about that stupid shit another day. When you're not in the library, Baltimore is a very fun city. The Inner Harbor (in the picture) is really sweet - you could probably spend every day there and never get bored. There's a ton of shops and restaurants, and enough "street magic" to kick David Blaine's ass. I saw some lady dressed as a pirate on a unicycle juggling fire sticks yelling obscenities at children - it was tight as hell. That's the upside of Baltimore. The down side involves one mugging at gun point, another at knife point, and cab drivers. People throw the word "ghetto" around like it's nobody's business, but you have not seen a ghetto until you walk around Baltimore. I fear for my life, wallet, and anal virginity (these are in order of importance, of course) every time I walk two blocks away from campus. But life is good otherwise, and "Charm City" certainly is charming if you go to the right places.

So there you have it, three important aspects of college at the Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore, Maryland. It has its ups and downs like anything, but overall I'm extremely pleased with my experience so far, and I'm very happy with my choice. I hope you've enjoyed...I predict another post involving "Big Doug" fairly soon.

The ghost rider

Live blogging from the San Diego area, the nation's "nice weather" capital...

Yesterday, I took the Amtrak from Union Central, Los Angeles, to Oceanside, CA, a reclusive town generally obscured by its gargantuan next-door neighbor San Diego.

To some, the idea of traveling on an Amtrak may seem abhorrent, but to me, this was a ride on the Palace of wheels itself. (India by rail- 8 days, starting at $1995)

Why? Well here is a modest comparison:


A mundane occurrence in Mumbai, the financial capital of India


The Surfliner that took me to my destination yesterday

To The Virgins

For several years now I've been making these to do/ideas lists. I write down tasks to be completed, terms to investigate, quotes to remember, small sketches, and so on and so forth. I think I'm going to make this a regular feature on the blog. I suppose the main danger is that my knowledge that my scribblings will become public will influence them in some way, but my handwriting is so shitty anyways that you folks will probably have a hard enough time deciphering DO LAUNDRY, much less the secret list of girls I like.


P.S.: Yesterday I GOT THE LED OUT for the first time. Over the Hills and Far Away is now one of my favorite songs to listen to really loud while dancing in my dorm room.

This Is How We Do It

Welcome welcome, one and all, to the Hater's Ball!

This post will not be in verse, because that's just not how we do things around here.

Once upon a time there was a blog. It was created by Sam Walker, believe it or not, at the behest of Andrew Kubas and myself. It was fun for a long time. Then it died.

You're welcome to go check it out. It will be preserved for the sake of the archives, and so when The Hater's Ball comes to the fore of the worldwide psyche, the inquisitive billions will be able to peruse our progenitor at their leisure. I suppose we'll add on a link when we get time.



Now then: you all have interesting lives, or so I've been led to believe. Post about them! Comment on those posts! Comment about those comments! Carouse and celebrate! Eat, drink, and be merry!

If I may paraphrase from a somewhat earlier post:
Welcome to the best thing the internet has going for it. The Hater's Ball. Or as I like to call it, America's Homepage. It's mine, at least.

Check in here for all things mustache, all things bright and beautiful, and all things in general.

Welcome home, Planet Earth.